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    Breaking News: Lorde is a 50 year old man??!!
    ANABELLA CAUDILLO
    • Jun 7
    • 3 min

    Breaking News: Lorde is a 50 year old man??!!

    Disclaimer: This is a fake news article based on the South Park episode “The Cissy,” season 18, episode 3. If you want this to make...
    27 views0 comments
    1-10, A Celebrity Crush Rating By Yours Truly
    ANABELLA CAUDILLO
    • Apr 6
    • 6 min

    1-10, A Celebrity Crush Rating By Yours Truly

    Odd statement but, I love celebrities – and I love to judge them.
    122 views0 comments
    Conspiracheese part II: Brieing the school from cheese
    Malcolm Wade
    • Apr 6
    • 4 min

    Conspiracheese part II: Brieing the school from cheese

    NOTICE - This is the second part in a series. If you haven’t read the first one, go here. “One month!” I shouted in disbelief at Mr....
    42 views0 comments
    Conspiracheese: Say Gouda riddance to the Cheese Lobby
    Malcolm Wade
    • Mar 29
    • 3 min

    Conspiracheese: Say Gouda riddance to the Cheese Lobby

    Anyone who gets the school’s lunch knows the obscene amount of cheese they stuff into all of their foods. Pizza, cheesy pillows, grilled...
    52 views0 comments
    Every boy scout cookie, reviewed
    Owen Taylor
    • Mar 18
    • 4 min

    Every boy scout cookie, reviewed

    The Boy Scouts have their own line of cookies.
    96 views0 comments
    Band of Chihuahuas lay siege to post office
    Izak Menta
    • Mar 17
    • 3 min

    Band of Chihuahuas lay siege to post office

    TALLAHASSEE—Tensions have been mounting outside of a Postal Office in Tallahassee, Florida, as a local gang of Chihuahuas known as HAM,...
    65 views0 comments
    How to keep a plant alive from someone who can’t
    Anika Norton
    • Mar 4
    • 4 min

    How to keep a plant alive from someone who can’t

    I can not keep a plant alive for the life of me. It is above my pay grade, beyond my capabilities, and in my opinion, a very overrated...
    44 views0 comments
    Are we being watched? The Chromebook conspiracy
    Shiogo Allen
    • Feb 24
    • 3 min

    Are we being watched? The Chromebook conspiracy

    Waking up Monday morning, I hit my alarm and rolled out of bed. After stumbling around, I hit my light switch and rolled up the curtains,...
    94 views0 comments
    Fire alarms go on strike after allegations of unnecessary pulling
    Malcolm Wade
    • Feb 17
    • 3 min

    Fire alarms go on strike after allegations of unnecessary pulling

    The only thing more annoying than the worthless apology of “Please excuse this interruption” over the intercom is the insufferable...
    103 views1 comment
    Things written in the girl's bathroom
    Romy Griego
    • Feb 3
    • 2 min

    Things written in the girl's bathroom

    You know in movies how there’s always quirky and funny things written in the girls bathroom, like in “Super Bad” or “Booksmart”? We have...
    215 views0 comments
    Candidate’s polls go up 523% after triple-dog-daring people to vote for him
    Malcolm Wade
    • Feb 3
    • 3 min

    Candidate’s polls go up 523% after triple-dog-daring people to vote for him

    Edward Durr, a truck driver from New Jersey, shockingly beat an opponent with twenty years of incumbency under his belt, Steve Sweeney,...
    54 views0 comments
    The zombie apocalypse is coming
    Lauren Acevedo
    • Jan 26
    • 4 min

    The zombie apocalypse is coming

    Can you hear it? The screams of children, the cries of old ladies struggling to lock their doors and seal their windows tight, the...
    205 views2 comments
    Chris Pratt to voice Adora in new “She-ra” movie
    Sophia Dueñas
    • Jan 25
    • 2 min

    Chris Pratt to voice Adora in new “She-ra” movie

    Rejoice, She-ra fans!
    71 views0 comments
    Dogs or cats?
    Shiogo Allen
    • Jan 20
    • 2 min

    Dogs or cats?

    The previous school year was an interesting one, especially for seventh graders. There was a pandemic going on, and online school was in...
    65 views0 comments
    Activision to start 7 new wars to make more call of duty games off of
    Malcolm Wade
    • Dec 16, 2021
    • 2 min

    Activision to start 7 new wars to make more call of duty games off of

    Activision has officially announced their plans to start seven new wars around the world to make more Call of Duty games. “We are very...
    54 views1 comment
    Halloween vs. Christmas: the greatest question of our time
    Sasha Bercovici
    • Dec 16, 2021
    • 3 min

    Halloween vs. Christmas: the greatest question of our time

    History has had many instances of great philosophers of the time trying to answer great questions of the time. What defines a human? How...
    31 views1 comment
    5 ways to improve ERHS
    Izak Menta
    • Dec 16, 2021
    • 3 min

    5 ways to improve ERHS

    Lately, I’ve felt that there are some things missing here at Eagle Rock High, and I haven’t been able to figure out exactly what. But...
    79 views0 comments
    Russians infiltrate the Eagle's Scream
    Owen Taylor
    • Dec 7, 2021
    • 3 min

    Russians infiltrate the Eagle's Scream

    Russians. Everywhere I go, I'm reminded of them. I try to learn their language to prepare for this article, and I'm bombarded with...
    167 views3 comments
    The pumpkin spice latte: delight or disaster?
    Lily Avina
    • Nov 18, 2021
    • 3 min

    The pumpkin spice latte: delight or disaster?

    Now that the wondrous season of autumn has come upon us, I feel as though it is time to share my very controversial opinion on a fall...
    69 views4 comments
    Dos and Don’ts of Disneyland: A Letter from an Angry Patron
    Naomi Ortiz
    • Nov 15, 2021
    • 3 min

    Dos and Don’ts of Disneyland: A Letter from an Angry Patron

    I went to Disneyland a couple of weeks ago and was appalled by the nerve some of the other patrons had. How could these horrible people...
    86 views0 comments
    Coronavirus suddenly disappears after running out of Greek letters
    Malcolm Wade
    • Nov 2, 2021
    • 2 min

    Coronavirus suddenly disappears after running out of Greek letters

    In a shocking turn of events today, the Coronavirus has suddenly disappeared, after running out of Greek letters. The deadly virus was...
    76 views1 comment
    Heavy backpacks cause seismic damage on campus
    Izak Menta
    • Oct 25, 2021
    • 3 min

    Heavy backpacks cause seismic damage on campus

    There’s a new menace on Eagle Rock’s campus. No, it isn’t the DP program, I said a new menace. Even our beautiful, brand new, retrofitted...
    225 views6 comments
    Raiders vs. Chargers, student vs. teacher, Chromebook vs. chair
    Eden Greene
    • Oct 19, 2021
    • 2 min

    Raiders vs. Chargers, student vs. teacher, Chromebook vs. chair

    Tensions rise between rival Eagles.
    167 views0 comments
    Words fail to describe how punchable Ben Platt’s face is
    Daniza Guevarra
    • Oct 15, 2021
    • 2 min

    Words fail to describe how punchable Ben Platt’s face is

    AMBER Alert: A 17 going on 28 Caucasian man missing after Rotten Tomatoes destroys Dear Evan Hansen’s chance at being a movie-musical...
    180 views0 comments
    WHOEVER KEEPS STEALING MY CHOCOLATE MILK BETTER SQUARE UP
    Malcolm Wade
    • Oct 7, 2021
    • 3 min

    WHOEVER KEEPS STEALING MY CHOCOLATE MILK BETTER SQUARE UP

    It was around 11:50 am when I, like most students, was eating lunch at the tables. My mouth was dry from eating cheesy pockets that the...
    613 views41 comments
    Former Eagle’s Scream employee declared lost at sea
    Eden Greene
    • Oct 7, 2021
    • 4 min

    Former Eagle’s Scream employee declared lost at sea

    Eno Thomson-Tribe, a former Eagle’s Scream employee best remembered for his proficiency in the sciences and mathematics, was declared...
    196 views5 comments
    How to Become a Fake Fan of Disney
    Romy Griego
    • Oct 5, 2021
    • 4 min

    How to Become a Fake Fan of Disney

    If you say you’re a Disney fan, you’ve probably been through the interrogation that every true Disney fan gives to one another.
    128 views0 comments
    Network of Cartoons opts for censorship
    Shepherd Lee Williams
    • Sep 27, 2021
    • 5 min

    Network of Cartoons opts for censorship

    Today at the Network of Cartoons’ official press conference on content regulation and censorship, many arrived to a nearly empty panel....
    96 views1 comment
    Volcanic sacrifices for carbon offset: pros and cons
    Eno Thomson-Tribe
    • Jun 4, 2021
    • 3 min

    Volcanic sacrifices for carbon offset: pros and cons

    Things have been tough this last year. We’ve endured a global pandemic, an economic meltdown, and a political insurrection. And now that...
    61 views0 comments
     Shallot Shorts: Edition #3
    Levi Stroth
    • May 17, 2021
    • 4 min

    Shallot Shorts: Edition #3

    Gourmet satire picked fresh from the vine. Definitely not made of people. Nosirie.
    98 views0 comments
    Women are leaving me for Minecraft streamers
    Shepherd Lee Williams
    • May 3, 2021
    • 4 min

    Women are leaving me for Minecraft streamers

    It started in November. A few of my friends had begun to talk more and more about those Minecraft YouTubers who did the "Minecraft...
    3,009 views9 comments
    The time has come to abolish daylight savings
    Eno Thomson-Tribe
    • May 3, 2021
    • 4 min

    The time has come to abolish daylight savings

    Twice a year, in Spring and Fall, we turn our clocks forward or back an hour to begin and end daylight savings time. But why do we do...
    81 views0 comments
    Journalist reveals inside secrets
    Eno Thomson-Tribe
    • Apr 26, 2021
    • 3 min

    Journalist reveals inside secrets

    As a highly successful journalist, I get asked questions about my profession a lot. How do you write so well? I don’t know; I guess I...
    67 views0 comments
    The chronicles of Ponyo: A rebellious turtle and his frazzled owner
    Velouria Perez
    • Apr 16, 2021
    • 3 min

    The chronicles of Ponyo: A rebellious turtle and his frazzled owner

    Once upon a time, I lived in an apartment with two fish. Well, the fish aren’t really important here. They died not too long into their...
    74 views1 comment
    Coyote turf wars, sentient trees, and more: What to expect when we get back to ERHS
    Eno Thomson-Tribe
    • Mar 5, 2021
    • 3 min

    Coyote turf wars, sentient trees, and more: What to expect when we get back to ERHS

    We’ve been gone from school since March of last year, and things are definitely different now. While it might look the same from the...
    176 views4 comments
    Journalist runs out of article ideas
    Eno Thomson-Tribe
    • Feb 5, 2021
    • 3 min

    Journalist runs out of article ideas

    An Eagle’s Scream journalist who has published several previous articles in the paper is out of ideas. After a prolonged period of...
    81 views2 comments
    The Uncelebrated Impacts of Arm Wrestling
    Sebastian Ashcraft
    • Nov 2, 2020
    • 3 min

    The Uncelebrated Impacts of Arm Wrestling

    With COVID-19 and quarantine, we all, for the most part, miss out on seeing our friends in person. This means no more high-fives,...
    89 views0 comments
    Socks and Sandals are Great — Here's Why
    Lily Hoagland
    • Oct 26, 2020
    • 3 min

    Socks and Sandals are Great — Here's Why

    Yeah, I said it. Let me paint a picture for those who have not yet been converted: You’re lounging about one afternoon, perhaps imitating...
    75 views0 comments
    Is a hot dog a hamburger? (And other equally important questions)
    Owen Taylor
    • Sep 10, 2020
    • 4 min

    Is a hot dog a hamburger? (And other equally important questions)

    Yes this is a reupload, I unintentionally deleted all my old articles while messing around with the website.
    28 views3 comments
    My Life as a Short Person
    Jessica Lau
    • May 8, 2020
    • 4 min

    My Life as a Short Person

    The average height for a woman is 5’3”. I’m 5’1”, and people may think that’s not much of a height difference. However, if I am doing the...
    108 views0 comments
    Review: “Quarantine,” The Movie.
    Lola Selby
    • May 1, 2020
    • 1 min

    Review: “Quarantine,” The Movie.

    A poorly veiled rip-off of the 1993 classic Groundhog Day, Quarantine (dir. COVID-19, 2020) is essentially the same movie, with 80% less...
    64 views0 comments
    Shallot Shorts: Edition #3
    Wyatt Zingus
    • Apr 23, 2020
    • 3 min

    Shallot Shorts: Edition #3

    Burger King merges with Lockheed Martin Burger King recently announced that they will be beginning a merger with Lockheed Martin, which...
    58 views0 comments
    CPM Problems are Actually Deep
    Benicio Barbosa
    • Apr 23, 2020
    • 3 min

    CPM Problems are Actually Deep

    CPM math is the best thing since sliced bread. It has given us such wonderful problems that the funding provided by Bill Gates can be...
    56 views0 comments
    A Guide to Expression While Wearing a Face Mask
    Lily Hoagland
    • Apr 19, 2020
    • 2 min

    A Guide to Expression While Wearing a Face Mask

    Now that almost everyone is wearing a face mask in public, it has become much harder to emote. When a stranger smiles at you from a safe...
    83 views1 comment
    How to Fix Our Election System
    Wyatt Zingus
    • Apr 4, 2020
    • 3 min

    How to Fix Our Election System

    America's election system is horribly broken, and it has always been. For a long period of time, only a certain small set of Americans...
    44 views0 comments
    The Top 10 Pets
    Wyatt Zingus
    • Mar 29, 2020
    • 3 min

    The Top 10 Pets

    Cats vs. Dogs: the age-old debate over which one is the better pet. It seems like all the time I hear people arguing over which pets are...
    93 views0 comments
    Lost and Found: The Honest Review (🎉Article #100🎉)
    Jacob Bernardino-Lucero
    • Mar 20, 2020
    • 5 min

    Lost and Found: The Honest Review (🎉Article #100🎉)

    We’ve all done it at some point in time: left a textbook or a sweatshirt at school only to find that it’s vanished the next day. In my...
    44 views0 comments
    Shallot Shorts: Edition #2
    Wyatt Zingus
    • Mar 8, 2020
    • 2 min

    Shallot Shorts: Edition #2

    yummy satire
    55 views0 comments
    A New Bell Schedule
    Mikael Theba
    • Feb 24, 2020
    • 3 min

    A New Bell Schedule

    Over the years at ERHS, we’ve seen the rise and fall of a multitude of proposed and enacted bell schedules. From bell schedules of 2015...