ANABELLA CAUDILLOJun 73 minBreaking News: Lorde is a 50 year old man??!!Disclaimer: This is a fake news article based on the South Park episode “The Cissy,” season 18, episode 3. If you want this to make...
ANABELLA CAUDILLOApr 66 min1-10, A Celebrity Crush Rating By Yours TrulyOdd statement but, I love celebrities – and I love to judge them.
Malcolm WadeApr 64 minConspiracheese part II: Brieing the school from cheeseNOTICE - This is the second part in a series. If you haven’t read the first one, go here. “One month!” I shouted in disbelief at Mr....
Malcolm WadeMar 293 minConspiracheese: Say Gouda riddance to the Cheese LobbyAnyone who gets the school’s lunch knows the obscene amount of cheese they stuff into all of their foods. Pizza, cheesy pillows, grilled...
Izak MentaMar 173 minBand of Chihuahuas lay siege to post officeTALLAHASSEE—Tensions have been mounting outside of a Postal Office in Tallahassee, Florida, as a local gang of Chihuahuas known as HAM,...
Anika NortonMar 44 minHow to keep a plant alive from someone who can’tI can not keep a plant alive for the life of me. It is above my pay grade, beyond my capabilities, and in my opinion, a very overrated...
Shiogo AllenFeb 243 minAre we being watched? The Chromebook conspiracyWaking up Monday morning, I hit my alarm and rolled out of bed. After stumbling around, I hit my light switch and rolled up the curtains,...
Malcolm WadeFeb 173 minFire alarms go on strike after allegations of unnecessary pullingThe only thing more annoying than the worthless apology of “Please excuse this interruption” over the intercom is the insufferable...
Romy GriegoFeb 32 minThings written in the girl's bathroomYou know in movies how there’s always quirky and funny things written in the girls bathroom, like in “Super Bad” or “Booksmart”? We have...
Malcolm WadeFeb 33 minCandidate’s polls go up 523% after triple-dog-daring people to vote for himEdward Durr, a truck driver from New Jersey, shockingly beat an opponent with twenty years of incumbency under his belt, Steve Sweeney,...
Lauren AcevedoJan 264 minThe zombie apocalypse is coming Can you hear it? The screams of children, the cries of old ladies struggling to lock their doors and seal their windows tight, the...
Shiogo AllenJan 202 minDogs or cats?The previous school year was an interesting one, especially for seventh graders. There was a pandemic going on, and online school was in...
Malcolm WadeDec 16, 20212 minActivision to start 7 new wars to make more call of duty games off ofActivision has officially announced their plans to start seven new wars around the world to make more Call of Duty games. “We are very...
Sasha BercoviciDec 16, 20213 minHalloween vs. Christmas: the greatest question of our timeHistory has had many instances of great philosophers of the time trying to answer great questions of the time. What defines a human? How...
Izak MentaDec 16, 20213 min5 ways to improve ERHSLately, I’ve felt that there are some things missing here at Eagle Rock High, and I haven’t been able to figure out exactly what. But...
Owen TaylorDec 7, 20213 minRussians infiltrate the Eagle's ScreamRussians. Everywhere I go, I'm reminded of them. I try to learn their language to prepare for this article, and I'm bombarded with...
Lily AvinaNov 18, 20213 minThe pumpkin spice latte: delight or disaster?Now that the wondrous season of autumn has come upon us, I feel as though it is time to share my very controversial opinion on a fall...
Naomi OrtizNov 15, 20213 minDos and Don’ts of Disneyland: A Letter from an Angry PatronI went to Disneyland a couple of weeks ago and was appalled by the nerve some of the other patrons had. How could these horrible people...
Malcolm WadeNov 2, 20212 minCoronavirus suddenly disappears after running out of Greek lettersIn a shocking turn of events today, the Coronavirus has suddenly disappeared, after running out of Greek letters. The deadly virus was...
Izak MentaOct 25, 20213 minHeavy backpacks cause seismic damage on campusThere’s a new menace on Eagle Rock’s campus. No, it isn’t the DP program, I said a new menace. Even our beautiful, brand new, retrofitted...
Eden GreeneOct 19, 20212 minRaiders vs. Chargers, student vs. teacher, Chromebook vs. chairTensions rise between rival Eagles.
Daniza GuevarraOct 15, 20212 minWords fail to describe how punchable Ben Platt’s face isAMBER Alert: A 17 going on 28 Caucasian man missing after Rotten Tomatoes destroys Dear Evan Hansen’s chance at being a movie-musical...
Malcolm WadeOct 7, 20213 minWHOEVER KEEPS STEALING MY CHOCOLATE MILK BETTER SQUARE UPIt was around 11:50 am when I, like most students, was eating lunch at the tables. My mouth was dry from eating cheesy pockets that the...
Eden GreeneOct 7, 20214 minFormer Eagle’s Scream employee declared lost at seaEno Thomson-Tribe, a former Eagle’s Scream employee best remembered for his proficiency in the sciences and mathematics, was declared...
Romy GriegoOct 5, 20214 minHow to Become a Fake Fan of DisneyIf you say you’re a Disney fan, you’ve probably been through the interrogation that every true Disney fan gives to one another.
Shepherd Lee WilliamsSep 27, 20215 minNetwork of Cartoons opts for censorshipToday at the Network of Cartoons’ official press conference on content regulation and censorship, many arrived to a nearly empty panel....
Eno Thomson-TribeJun 4, 20213 minVolcanic sacrifices for carbon offset: pros and consThings have been tough this last year. We’ve endured a global pandemic, an economic meltdown, and a political insurrection. And now that...
Levi StrothMay 17, 20214 min Shallot Shorts: Edition #3Gourmet satire picked fresh from the vine. Definitely not made of people. Nosirie.
Shepherd Lee WilliamsMay 3, 20214 minWomen are leaving me for Minecraft streamersIt started in November. A few of my friends had begun to talk more and more about those Minecraft YouTubers who did the "Minecraft...
Eno Thomson-TribeMay 3, 20214 minThe time has come to abolish daylight savingsTwice a year, in Spring and Fall, we turn our clocks forward or back an hour to begin and end daylight savings time. But why do we do...
Eno Thomson-TribeApr 26, 20213 minJournalist reveals inside secretsAs a highly successful journalist, I get asked questions about my profession a lot. How do you write so well? I don’t know; I guess I...
Velouria PerezApr 16, 20213 minThe chronicles of Ponyo: A rebellious turtle and his frazzled ownerOnce upon a time, I lived in an apartment with two fish. Well, the fish aren’t really important here. They died not too long into their...
Eno Thomson-TribeMar 5, 20213 minCoyote turf wars, sentient trees, and more: What to expect when we get back to ERHSWe’ve been gone from school since March of last year, and things are definitely different now. While it might look the same from the...
Eno Thomson-TribeFeb 5, 20213 minJournalist runs out of article ideasAn Eagle’s Scream journalist who has published several previous articles in the paper is out of ideas. After a prolonged period of...
Sebastian AshcraftNov 2, 20203 minThe Uncelebrated Impacts of Arm WrestlingWith COVID-19 and quarantine, we all, for the most part, miss out on seeing our friends in person. This means no more high-fives,...
Lily HoaglandOct 26, 20203 minSocks and Sandals are Great — Here's WhyYeah, I said it. Let me paint a picture for those who have not yet been converted: You’re lounging about one afternoon, perhaps imitating...
Owen TaylorSep 10, 20204 minIs a hot dog a hamburger? (And other equally important questions)Yes this is a reupload, I unintentionally deleted all my old articles while messing around with the website.
Jessica LauMay 8, 20204 minMy Life as a Short PersonThe average height for a woman is 5’3”. I’m 5’1”, and people may think that’s not much of a height difference. However, if I am doing the...
Lola SelbyMay 1, 20201 minReview: “Quarantine,” The Movie.A poorly veiled rip-off of the 1993 classic Groundhog Day, Quarantine (dir. COVID-19, 2020) is essentially the same movie, with 80% less...
Wyatt ZingusApr 23, 20203 minShallot Shorts: Edition #3Burger King merges with Lockheed Martin Burger King recently announced that they will be beginning a merger with Lockheed Martin, which...
Benicio BarbosaApr 23, 20203 minCPM Problems are Actually DeepCPM math is the best thing since sliced bread. It has given us such wonderful problems that the funding provided by Bill Gates can be...
Lily HoaglandApr 19, 20202 minA Guide to Expression While Wearing a Face MaskNow that almost everyone is wearing a face mask in public, it has become much harder to emote. When a stranger smiles at you from a safe...
Wyatt ZingusApr 4, 20203 minHow to Fix Our Election System America's election system is horribly broken, and it has always been. For a long period of time, only a certain small set of Americans...
Wyatt ZingusMar 29, 20203 minThe Top 10 PetsCats vs. Dogs: the age-old debate over which one is the better pet. It seems like all the time I hear people arguing over which pets are...
Jacob Bernardino-LuceroMar 20, 20205 minLost and Found: The Honest Review (🎉Article #100🎉)We’ve all done it at some point in time: left a textbook or a sweatshirt at school only to find that it’s vanished the next day. In my...
Mikael ThebaFeb 24, 20203 minA New Bell ScheduleOver the years at ERHS, we’ve seen the rise and fall of a multitude of proposed and enacted bell schedules. From bell schedules of 2015...