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I Will Squish Jake From Statefarm Between My Fingers

Art by Mia Walker

Words cannot describe the petulant hatred that festers inside me whenever this man appears on my television screen. No, good neighbors aren’t always there Jake; good neighbors don’t randomly pop-up when I’m trying to watch a show every five minutes. Good neighbors don’t talk to me unless I need to borrow an egg from them. Ever since his debut ad in which I’m pretty sure he’s having affair with one of his customers, Jake From Statefarm has become a staple in insurance company mascots and the harbinger of my nightmares ever since he posted his official metaverse avatar on his Twitter:

Image from @JakeStateFarm on Twitter

Backyard BBQ Ad

I’d like to start my tirade of Jack From Statefarm with one advertisement that confused me more so than any other. It starts off normally enough, a few friends gather in someone’s backyard having a barbeque, but something is terribly out of place; a man wearing a red shirt and khakis. Jake. One of them is talking about how he called Statefarm and the same agent called back the next day and out of nowhere the person next to him just faints. Another person tells him to blink twice if he’s in danger, but Jake is quick to change the subject and talks about Statefarm’s supposedly great rates to which all of the cans and bottles they’re holding explode, clearly to warn about his lies. After this, the woman who said to blink twice if he was in danger starts hastily blinking and the ad cuts to red and plays the jingle, probably to hide the bloody carnage that ensued spurred by Jake’s hatred for humanity.

Don’t Give Up What You Love Campaign

Image from the Statefarm Youtube channel

In this series of ads, a person has to stop doing a hobby of theirs because it is causing much financial strain. Then JAKE materializes out of the blue, wearing the color of the devil, and tempts them to join State Farm. In return, they will be able to keep their hobby/object and continue their paths of poor financial spending. He then faces the camera and utters the words “If you want the real deal, Statefarm is there.” and leaves; proving his self-awareness and showing that we don’t have that much time until he breaks out and takes over the world with his surprisingly great rates.

I do not like Jake from Statefarm. I want to run him through my dishwasher and gobble him up for breakfast. I mean, why is he always telling me to bundle my home, auto, and life insurance? Is that a threat? I feel like he’s going to burn my house down, total my car, and end my life if I don’t comply. Anyway, here’s an image I made, I’ll leave you with that.

Image by Malcolm Wade

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Reda Rountree
Reda Rountree
Apr 20, 2023

I couldn’t agree more, seriously. It’s also annoying because they clearly chose Jake because State Farm got a lot of bad press for their lack of support and payouts to families in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina — so those ads are irritating on a number of levels. I always hit mute.

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