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Matt Walsh reported harassing ERHS students with questions: “What even is a woman?”

Via: the Huston Chronicle

Panic struck Eagle Rock High School campus this morning after political commentator and The Daily Wire correspondent, Matt Walsh, wandered onto school grounds. The host of The Matt Walsh Show and creator of the documentary “What is a Woman?” was discovered after several students reported sightings of the man between fifth and sixth period last gray day. One such student approached me personally.

Image by Anabella Caudillo

“I was waiting outside of the girl’s bathroom for a friend when this guy walked up to me.” The student recanted her tale within the safety of Eagle Rock High School’s elite bomb shelter. “I was kind of confused because he was a grown man with a beard and glasses, like - what was he doing in a high school? He started talking to me - no, not to me. He started talking at me, asking me why I’m by the women’s restroom when I’m not a woman. Then every time I would try to speak up, he’d call me a ‘woke modernist.’ I sneezed and he accused me of wanting to perform sex change operations on babies and that I’ll never be a real woman. I was confused because I am a woman. I know people usually say that about transgender people, but I’m not transgender either.” The student, who chooses to remain anonymous, is not the only student who has had close encounters with Mr. Walsh.

“I was eating fried tofu and he yelled at me that the soy was going to give me breasts. Too late for that,” commented one female witness.

“He didn’t say anything to me, just feigned having a heart attack because he overheard me talking about my English homework on pronouns,” recanted one 7th grader. His friend corroborated his statement, revealing a picture he took on his phone

Wait, this isn’t the right one…

Walsh made himself known to the majority of the campus by standing on top of a lunch table and loudly demanding that someone answer his question. “What is a woman?” he belted in yellow fervor, like a barbarian being faced by the gates of valhalla. Walsh was immediately apprehended by school climate officers. Reports from the Eagle’s Nest say the following:

“Mr. Walsh was detained at 11:55 AM this morning after causing a major disruption on our campus. We take uncleared adult visitors very seriously. While in custody, Mr. Walsh has continually asked our staff ‘What is a woman?’ Mr. Walsh refuses to talk to anyone within our building. His continued incessant screaming has forced us to hold him within our custody until we can come to a helpful solution.”

Image by Anabella Caudillo

With this information reaching me at my corner office at the Eagle’s Scream HQ, I knew I had to move quickly.

I sat down to speak to Mr. Walsh while he sat in Eagle’s nest custody in this short interview.

INT: So, you were apprehended today?

WALSH: Yes! It’s an assault on free speech; all I’m doing is asking a question and you liberals are keeping me from the real answers! I know what you are all doing, you fiends! Keeping what a woman is away from me!

Walsh gestures to a chair.

WALSH: Is this a woman?

Walsh points to the window at the end of his containment room. WALSH: Is that a woman?

He raises his handcuffed fists.

WALSH: What even is a woman? Nobody will tell me!

INT: Mr. Walsh, many people have given you a direct answer, a woman is any person who says they are a woman.

Walsh’s eyes opened up wide, like a pair of saucers set down on a big, weirdly shaped table.

WALSH: Wait… there was no camera cut… I finally know.

INT: Camera cut?

WALSH: Usually when someone tries to tell me what a woman is, there’s a camera cut and I forget what they tell me.

INT: Nobody has told you what a woman is off camera?

WALSH: This is the first time anyone has spoken to me off camera period.

Image by Anabella Caudillo

The stunning interview came to a close with that statement. I was ushered out of the room and Walsh was released from custody at his legal team’s request. Ultimately, Walsh’s story at Eagle Rock was one of confusion, but from the same sentiment - one of reclaimed knowledge. Finally, Matt Walsh knows what a woman is.

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