Mr. Steinorth shocked that nobody does the Pledge of Allegiance

Updated: Sep 23


Art by Cecile Ranciere

After rebooting a tradition I thought we stopped doing years ago, the Pledge of Allegiance has been brought back as performed by Mr. Steinorth. However, students seem to be completely uninterested, leaving the principal appalled.


“With liberty and justice for all;” and with that, Principal Steinorth completed his weekly duty to his country. He strutted out of his office with a chip on his shoulder and a smile on his face, waiting for the thunderous applause and exclamations of “Great Pledge of Allegiance today!” and “Wow! You nailed the part about America!” Yes, Mr. Steinorth was on the top of the world. He got this feeling every Monday at 10:00 am sharp during the morning announcements; a glow deep within him that made him feel like an eagle soaring over the countryside, but also gave him a strange thirst for oil from developing countries. But as he walked out, he was met with only silence. “Strange,” Mr. Steinorth thought. This repeated week after week and he started to get a sneaking suspicion that nobody actually does the pledge of allegiance, so he devised a plan to confirm his suspicion. He pre-recorded his morning announcement and went into the main building during the pledge of allegiance. He peered inside a classroom, and to his dismay, saw the entire class sitting in their seats. He looked into another classroom; then another, then another, and in each one he saw students sitting in their seats waiting for the period to end. And that’s when he realized: nobody cares.


“I was in shambles” says Mr. Steinorth, “I was distressed, I was heartbroken, I was forlorn, I was inconsolable, I was sorrowful, I was woebegone, I was other synonyms for sad.” He started brainstorming ideas to make it more appealing to the youth, “Maybe I could make it more hip. Instead of ‘I pledge allegiance to the flag’, I could make it ‘I pledge allegiance to the swag.’” I told him that was a good idea. I didn’t want to hurt him anymore.


I asked a few students why they didn’t do the pledge of allegiance. The general consensus was that they thought it was a waste of time and didn’t want to worship a piece of cloth, while some of the seventh graders still haven’t learned the difference between their right and left hands, or which side of the body their heart is located.


Only time will tell what Mr. Steinorth will do; my hope is that he’ll sing the national anthem to really spice things up.

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