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Breaking news: ravens plotting to take over the school

Updated: Dec 12, 2023


Art by Grace Gill

We’ve all seen them, whether it’s when we’re walking from one class to another or sitting, waiting for school to start. Those big, elegant birds with feathers that glimmer indigo in the sun. Large, pointed black beaks and eyes that stare right through you. Yes, I am talking about the many ravens here at Eagle Rock.


All the evidence I’ve gathered has led me to conclude that these birds are conspiring to take over the school. Afreen, an eighth grader here at Eagle Rock, couldn’t agree more. “They are terrifying,” she whispers, glancing back and forth to make sure she isn’t heard by a nearby bird. “They are definitely plotting something.”


All photos by Edith Croshaw

Every morning, Afreen makes sure to get to school early. “I am usually at the gate by 8:00,” she says. She often sits on the steps by the classroom of her first period teacher, Mr. Espanta. This is when the ravens strike. “The first few times I came to school, it was pretty chill,” she states, “But even then, I would see them watching me. They were there, but not to the extent that I see them now.” After a while, she noticed the ravens creeping closer to where she sat. First they were in the trees, then they perched on the fence, and eventually, they had taken over completely. While she sat on the classroom steps, the ravens stared at her with piercing ebony eyes.


“They were everywhere! Around 10 of them, perched exactly where I normally like to sit, but I’m too afraid to shoo them away! They just hate me!” This is a valid feeling, as the ravens are malevolent masterminds. Afreen tried to call for help, but by the time someone got there, they were gone. Clearly these ravens are extremely intelligent, and are plotting on our school.


Not even our lunch is safe. After the bell has rung and the flood of students has vanished from the yard, there is often quite a mess left behind. That’s when the ravens strike. Gliding down from their perches in the trees, they attack the food scraps scattered across the campus. Snatching up crumbs, wrappers, and any tasty morsel they can find, they soar off to feast upon their bounty. Who knows, maybe they are using these discarded scraps to build a doomsday device.



Many people consider these devious creatures to be “just birds” and that this article might just be “a big deal made out of nothing”. Well, I have many reasons to believe that these “birds” are extremely intelligent creatures with highly developed cognitive abilities. According to National Geographic, they might be one of the smartest birds. Although their brains may be the size of a small nut, both ravens and crows have been able to solve puzzles, make tools, and even outsmart apes. In experiments, ravens have outperformed monkeys, being able to solve challenging puzzles in a more effective manner. Crows are equally as smart, being able to memorize faces and personalities of different people. To put it simply, crows have the ability to hold grudges. In addition, they are known to use sticks as tools to pry their prey out of hiding places. Some will even carve a hook into the stick with their beak, making it a more effective tool.


Their plan to take over the school seems less far-fetched by the day. If you look close enough you might catch them peering at you, obscured by the trees. Our school might be the first stage of their scheme to achieve world domination.

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