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Top ten best presents for people you hate

Art by Mia Walker

Christmas. The winter holiday known around the world. When thinking about gifts for friends and family, you probably want the perfect gift that they will love and use all the time. But what if you want the exact opposite? What if you want revenge on some annoying family member or friend, but want to act discreetly at the same time? If any of these apply to you, this list of 10 horrible holiday gifts to get friends that you hate is perfect for you.

#10: A box of sweets and a Starbucks gift card:

A gift that truly shows which people you are friends with, and which you are merely acquaintances. This is what you get teachers on teacher appreciation day, and is a go-to present for those you haven’t bothered to spend the time to think about. If you are the recipient of this gift, cutting off your relationship with the giver won’t bother them in the slightest, as it is completely one-sided.

#9: New clothes:

Everybody knows that giving someone new clothes for Christmas can only be for one of two reasons: either you're lazy, and didn’t bother to spend time thinking about the recipient, or more likely, you think that their style of clothing is so appalling that you’ve had to step in and make a change for the better.

#8: Pet toys:

This should be obvious. The only reason you would ever get someone toys for their pet is if your friendship is built on a lie. The toys are for their dog/cat, and nothing else. Other than their pet, you have no interest in them as a person, and only hang out with them on the off chance that you’ll get to play with their pet now and then.

#7: A pet goldfish:

Getting someone a pet goldfish is one of the cruelest things you can do. After recently winning it at a carnival, you choose to dump your new pet onto someone else, before you can get emotionally attached, only for it to die mere weeks later. If you ever give somebody a pet goldfish as a gift, you truly are a horrible person.

Image by Kyaw Tun via Unsplash

#6: A streaming service subscription:

Getting someone a subscription to something such as Netflix, or Disney Plus is almost certainly due to your annoyance at their nonexistent TV options whenever you go to their house. Either that or you’re the person without streaming services, and use this as an opportunity to leech off others so you can watch your favorite shows and movies.

#5: A DIY gift/hand me down:

If you’re giving someone this, it’s only because you completely forgot about them, leaving you only hours to scrounge around your house and throw a random mishmash of items together; just hoping to get away with your complete failure and lack of competence at remembering to buy gifts for friends and family.

#4: An IOU:

Giving someone an IOU for Christmas is only a momentary solution, as the recipient of the gift will likely ask for something that you are incapable of giving, and will then be cut off entirely from the friend group, or shunned by the entire family. If by some chance, you do follow through with your IOU, you will still be disgraced with the worst gift of Christmas for the year.

#3: A cookbook:

Getting someone a cookbook for Christmas is essentially announcing to everyone that you dislike their food to such an extent that you’ve decided to give them dozens of new recipes in the hope that the next time you visit them, they’ve taken a recipe from your gift, and you don’t have to taste their repulsive cooking.

#2: Plane tickets for vacation:

On the outside, giving someone the vacation that they’ve always wanted is nice, but not if you think of it selfishly. By going on vacation, they are leaving the area, so a plane ticket is a perfect gift for getting rid of that annoying neighbor or friend that everyone has; if only temporarily. Plus, maybe they’ll stop bothering you so much after your extravagant gift.

#1: The Uno reverse card:

Only the truly horrible will ever give someone this. By giving this gift, you have essentially taken someone's gift from a previous year, and decided that it is too horrible to keep. Then, instead of doing the polite thing of keeping it in a closet for years, never using it, but avoiding shattering the hearts of your friends and family, you decide that you should give the same item back to the person who gave it to you, hoping to utterly destroy them mentally and emotionally.

Christmas is most often a holiday for celebration, but it can be whatever you want it to be. Instead of giving somebody kind and well-thought gifts, you can rush through the winter holiday with this list. Just know that doing so will likely destroy long-standing friendships, irrevocably.

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