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Nebraska secedes from the US


Art by Karen Lin

The American people were notified early last week that Nebraska is no longer a part of the Union. The White House released a statement on Tuesday: “Looks like it just slipped through the cracks!” On Wednesday, Governor of Nebraska Pete Ricketts held a press conference on regarding the matter. When asked why he thought to secede in the first place he said, “I didn’t think they’d actually let us go. I just wanted to feel something.” Later that afternoon he was sighted at a Denny’s eating a grilled cheese sandwich while staring blankly at a poster advertising the restaurant’s free delivery service.


International travel to Nebraska on such short notice was impractical, so we interviewed Wyoming native, Dominic Dunlap, regarding his feelings about the situation. “It feels so weird that just behind that rolling hill there’s a whole ’nother nation”, said Dunlap. “But I’ve been wanting to travel outside the country for a while now, so I guess this is the perfect opportunity.”


We interviewed several residents of other neighboring states, and the general attitude is one of excitement. Lifelong Iowan Esther Larson told us, “It’s not every day that an entire country just appears right next to you!”


On Thursday, Nebraska’s application to become the United Nations 194th member state was brought before the General Assembly. At first, it was thought that Nebraska may have been confused about what it meant to be a state, but after considerable debate, the assembly decided to recognize Nebraska as a sovereign nation. President of the GA Csaba Kőrösi spoke briefly on Nebraska’s membership: “We would like to welcome Nebraska as an official member state of the UN, and hope to see Nebraska flourish into an active, contributing part of this organization.”


As Nebraska is now free from the political restraints placed upon them as a part of the United States, former Governor Ricketts has declared himself “Leader Ricketts”. When asked about the decision, he said, “I just feel like ‘Supreme Leader’ is a little too cliché, and I also don’t want to say how I’m all ‘Supreme’ and then fail miserably when I try to do anything significant.” Leader Ricketts hung his head. “To be honest I don’t really know what I’m getting myself into.” He let out a sigh and stared vacantly at the microphone inches away from his lips.


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