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Official Santa-approved reindeer ranking

Art by Grace Gill.

Using several Santa-approved articles and the iconic Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer song and movie, I have compiled the most accurate and up-to-date ranking of Santa’s reindeer. Disclaimer: supposedly science has recently proved all of Mr. Clause’s reindeer to be female. That being said, I think it is safe to disregard science in this case and use the classic gender identities of the reindeer to stay as true to the original story as possible. Anywho, in absolute last place in my reindeer ranking is...

Image courtesy of Andreas Dress.
#9. Donner

Apparently, I was the last to find out that Donner is actually Rudolph’s dad. I have a problem with this. If Donner is his father then that means he simply sat back and watched while his son got bullied. It also means he allegedly bullied his own child, the song Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer clearly states, “All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names.” All.

#8. Dasher

Image courtesy of Norman Tsui.

Dasher is Santa’s eldest reindeer and still bullied Rudolph, a child, while Dasher was a grown man. This makes him come across as pathetic and a hater, not to mention he qualifies for the early bird special. The only good thing I learned about him is that he was considered the fast one.

Image courtesy of Geran de Klerk.

#7. Prancer

I hate his name. I am aware that he had no decision in his name, but I believe it has shaped him as a reindeer. He is said to be vain and I have no other reasoning for my hatred other than the fact that his name makes him sound like a jerk.

#6. Dancer

Image courtesy of Judith Prins.

He sounds like he is related to Prancer, therefore he is a jerk by association. Also, he is extroverted and that seems like a lot to handle. I’m sure he’s a good dancer though, if not I would be very disappointed.

Image courtesy of Adrien Ledoux.