My dog is a human (REAL) (NOT CLICKBAIT)

So I’ve started to recognize myself as a chronic liar. While this issue in itself doesn’t have anything to do with the article yet, it’s influenced me to bring up my next topic: Juno. Juno is a lovely one-year-old Gemini Weimaraner. Brought to us on May 20 of 2020 (by what I’d assume is an illegal eBay breeder), we got our Juno. The “we” in question is my brother, Jorge Alberto Vigil, who is the owner of the Juno. As Juno came into my life, I instantly loved her. She’s a very funky-looking dog. So to show off my admiration for Juno, I started posting her on my social media or randomly dropping a Juno photo mid text conversation with my friends. Which has caused people to start asking the question: "Who is this dog? And why?" I simply started saying she’s my dog (not true- this is a lie). But no one ever seemed to question it. No one second-guessed it. Good. Let them think that Juno is my dog.



Now, with a bit of background information of who Juno is, let me show my case. Juno became a widely popular sensation amongst my friends. Though I’d see where my friendship lied when they couldn’t recognize my other two actual dogs, they all knew Juno. This one photo in particular sprouted mainstream (again, within my circle of friends), becoming the source of newly made reaction pictures or edited memes, as shown below.





Though I’d like to show more of them, some of them aren’t what we’d call appropriate for a school-wide audience. But as it became the new norm, I was used to people using Juno photos or randomly talking about her.


Then, Renee entered. I was in my P.E class one day, enjoying life and talking about all my little dogs. I was in the process of showing my friend, Ranya, photos of Juno when I heard a voice behind me say; “I know that dog!”

What.

I’d never spoken to this person before--nor have I shown them Juno. So why and how does this person know who Juno is? She then continued to tell me how a friend of a friend had shown her a photo of the dog, and I began to question how that friend had even gotten a hold of a picture of her. I don’t even know her! How would she know my dog before she knows me?

Wait. I’ve got the answer. Juno must be up to this. Juno must be the kickstarter to her newfound fame! Now, I know it sounds like a stretch, but I’ve got the credentials to prove it; 1) I’ve known Juno since she was 2 months old, 2) I’ve met many dogs before, and 3) I’m a master at analysis and behavioral shifts.


Juno has always been a bit of an oddball. Maybe it’s because she is a master manipulator. She seems to be likable but almost all of the most popular and well-known manipulators have been seen as likable and charming. Maybe it’s her funky smile -- or her large wide head that makes her seem endearing and whimsical, but I think it’s something more. A little more spectacular, a little more shocking. It’s definitely her eyes.



Captivating! She reels you in with dirty, rusted, pond-like eyes that shine like the shimmering ocean waves when the light hits her face. They’re wide and adorable. THAT is how she gets you.


Now I do believe she has a human-like mind though. That or she is incredibly braindead. Now I don’t mean shapeshifter, think more Legoshi from Beastars, Perry the Platypus from Phineas and Ferb. That’s what I mean. Now you must be questioning me, and I shall tell you again. Do not question my credentials and proof and ability to understand this.



This is a sketch made by Jessica Calaguas to perfectly convey what I imagine Juno on her adventures would look like.

So with information now at hand, I’ll explain how she is the mastermind behind the popularity of Juno. I’ve never seen my friends and Juno in the same room. Coincidence? I think not. If she had been in the presence of one, her cover would be blown. She walks slowly. She doesn’t move much. And why? Because she is one move away from blowing her cover. She does bite though, but I think that’s to keep her facade as a dog. She also likes kale. That’s a bit weird. Since when do dogs like kale? Since the dog was secretly a human!


Now, here is an interview with her owner on the subject:


Me: So, Jorge! Thoughts on Juno being a human? I have many thoughts and opinions on this matter that have led to this conclusion. Now that you’ve been her owner for over a year now, do you agree?


Jorge: What. No. Juno is not a human. She is a dog.



Well. What would he know anyway, right?! He is not the certified master of analysis and behavioral shifts... I am!


Although her owner seems to be covering it up, I am still suspicious about Juno's everlasting behavior. We will see where Juno will be heading in the future, whether this’ll make her come out of hiding or shun her away even more. Do you also believe Juno is behind this all? Well, you should. Make sure to like and subscribe and say no to stranger danger. Montoya OUT!




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