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Dos and Don’ts of Disneyland: A Letter from an Angry Patron

Art by Geena San Diego

I went to Disneyland a couple of weeks ago and was appalled by the nerve some of the other patrons had. How could these horrible people be so rude as to ruin everyone else’s trip to Disneyland? Did their parents not teach them how to have manners? I assume not so I have now taken it upon myself to go OUT OF MY WAY to explain to you ridiculous people how you need to act at Disneyland. Here is my list of the most important things to do and not to do when at the happiest place on earth:

Do: Be aware of people around you

When walking through the parks be sure to stay with your group and not get in other people’s way or cause a ruckus. This means not leaving your stroller in the middle of the walkway and yelling out to the rest of your family meanwhile BLOCKING THE WHOLE ROAD SO NO ONE CAN GET BY. If you are walking in a big row with 7 other people not letting other people pass you then you need to get some spatial awareness and move. The heck. Over.

Don’t: hold up the whole line to let your friends cut with you

I mean come on, this one is just a given, no one wants someone to bring a huge group of people to cut with them in line, even more so when you have to stop the whole line to get this large group of people through. When in the line for Pirates of the Caribbean, I didn’t want to have to wait for these girls to find their friends and call them over! If you’re with other people get the heck out of line and go back when you’re all ready!

Do: wear your mask!!!!

Obviously right now we’re living in a global pandemic, and while Disney does have mask precautions when indoors, this doesn’t mean your mask should just be off when you’re in a large group outside. Still have common sense and try to social distance and keep your mask on, just because it isn’t a policy doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still do it. Disneyland is NOT a safe space for anti-maskers.

Don’t: make eye contact for extended periods of time

Maybe just because I’m a socially awkward teenager but I don’t EVER want to see someone staring at me for no reason. This applies even more if I walk past you hours later and you make eye contact with me again! Like GEEZ, why are you looking at me? Please look away. I don’t want you to look at me.

Do: Walk at a fast pace

My friends and I are fast walkers. We were prepared for this one before we even got to the park, knowing that people at Disneyland are slow. Getting trapped behind a slow group of people when we are fast walkers is one of the worst things ever. We suddenly have to slow down our pace and walk at a snail's speed behind people (who are once again BLOCKING THE WHOLE WALKWAY)


Just don’t.

Do: keep your phone off on dark rides

Who even does this?? This is the first time I’ve ever encountered such rudeness and I’m shocked. Why would you be scrolling through Instagram when you’re on Pirates of the Caribbean. You can scroll through Twitter any day but you choose to do this during the five minutes you’re actually on the ride. Not only are you wasting your own time waiting in the line for a ride you aren’t even going to pay attention to, but your BRIGHTNESS ON YOUR PHONE IS ALL THE WAY UP LIGHTING UP THE WHOLE ROOM and RUINING THE RIDE FOR THE REST OF US.

Don’t: wear matching shirts with your family

Finally, this one is the most important rule of them all. Under no circumstances should you EVER wear matching shirts with your family. None of this “papa mouse,” and “mama mouse,” stuff. Not only are the people with these shirts always the rudest people in the park, but literally NO ONE CARES. No one wants to know if you're the best aunt or that this is the Smith’s first Disneyland trip, we’re just trying to enjoy our own trip to Disney and your ugly shirts are just getting in the way.

I think I’ve covered the most important things and by now you’ll have a better idea of how to act respectfully when you’re there. I don’t think anything I’ve gone over today was very complex but if you have any questions please don’t contact me and just use your brain. In conclusion, you really just need to use common sense and you’ll be fine.

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