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Coyote turf wars, sentient trees, and more: What to expect when we get back to ERHS

Updated: Mar 7, 2021

All photos by Eno Thomson-Tribe

We’ve been gone from school since March of last year, and things are definitely different now. While it might look the same from the outside, there’s been a few important changes happening at ERHS to keep in mind. From construction to changes in the rules, here’s what’s new.

One of the first major things students will notice upon their return to ERHS is that construction has begun on the new East and West Gyms. The East Gym can be found right between the North Gym and the Horticulture Garden, while the West Gym is located on the former spot of the quad. They are expected to be completed in approximately 12 years, and will open alongside the newly renovated South Gym and Auditorium.

Additionally, the previously mentioned Horticulture Garden has quadrupled in size and currently occupies the nearby bungalows. Vines have been spotted creeping up the side of the Liberal Arts building. Commanding the garden appears to be a sentient, 60 foot tall oak tree named Hister Micks that has grown through the greenhouse roof and to whom new 7th graders may or may not be sacrificed.

In an effort to become more sustainable, any asphalt previously located on campus has been replaced with grass, and all of the buildings at school have been reconstructed with upcycled milk cartons from the cafeteria. This may be why the garden was able to take over so quickly. The school administration claims that there’s nothing to worry about, unless it rains.

The lockers have been redone as well. There are now three times as many, but this comes at the cost of size. Hallways are now 18 inches wide, and the lockers are designed to just barely fit an iPhone. This is to incentivize students to spend less time on screens. Some of these new lockers have also been randomly selected to house pests, old cafeteria food, and unknown sticky substances. Apparently, this is to remind students of their old lockers, and it will hopefully make transitioning to the new ones smoother.

In a recent inspection, it was found that none of the air conditioning units on campus actually worked, so they were all removed.

Furthermore, after seeing how well the football field has been doing without students trampling it, faculty have decided to cancel all field sports until further notice. We do not know if or when they will resume.

In one of their least controversial decisions, the school has decided that, once students return, we will stop using Schoology. This decision has been met with overwhelmingly positive feedback. Going forward, the new plan is to use carrier pigeons to transmit information, and scrap the chromebooks. This decision has been met with mixed enthusiasm.

One thing that hasn’t changed is the band room, surprising no one.

Meanwhile, the animals of ERHS appear to be in a turf war, with the raccoons on one side and coyotes on the other. The coyotes appear to have retaken the auditorium, causing the raccoons to advance on the East Gym’s construction site. We may see an important shift in power soon, though: the racoons appear to have made an alliance with the crows and ravens. Stay tuned.

Crows keep tabs on coyotes from above.

Those are most of the major changes happening at ERHS, courtesy of the wonderful staff, students, administrators, and vermin, without whom ERHS would be just a confusing collection of letters. Most of these improvements should be complete by the time students return. We still don’t know when this will happen, of course; at the rate things are going, this could be next fall–or, perhaps, never.

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