The Slippery Places of ERHS
Updated: Feb 2, 2020
Nothing like a rainy day at ERHS. The feeling of must, humidity, and dampened socks due to water-filled potholes is unlike any other. ERHS takes a new form when it rains, and it’s frankly a personal favorite, compared to the dry, arid, Eagle Rock we’re all used to. With this welcome wetness, however, there is one glaring downside; the extremely slippery surfaces that form around campus. Normally dry, safe surfaces to walk on can turn into literal ice skating rinks during rainstorms. Sure they’re pretty uncommon surfaces for people to walk on, however, they’re still highly unsafe nonetheless. With this, I’ve tested several surfaces deemed “slippery” by students and teachers to determine which ones were truly worthy of the “Best Slip Award.” Keep in mind, I do not in any way advise walking across these surfaces, they can in all seriousness lead to injury. But I know you middle school delinquents will do it anyways. So with that let's get to the slippery zones of ERHS!
Test Subject #1: Balcony
Ah yes, the legendary wet spot, the messiah of concussions, the Kaaba of slippery locations. Walking across the balcony is normally like walking through any old musty LAUSD tile floor. When it rains, however, the balcony becomes a death trap for all and primarily to the younger, blissfully ignorant generations of middle schoolers. Like a bug zapping machine, the water on the balcony can be compared to a light, in that it attracts 7th graders like little flies, only to have them succumb to the real trap awaiting them. With this, me and a few acquaintances began testing by dumping some water, and seeing how slippery the balcony truly is.
To nobody’s surprise, I was able to slip with ease….
Running across the surface of the balcony, I lost balance within seconds, causing me to float in mid-air for a split second before falling on the cold hard ground on my back. The protective pads I wore saved me, but as middle schoolers ditch their thick rolly backpacks in favor of hip Fjallraven bags, they sacrifice their protection from these gruesome surfaces. My head hit the ground fairly hard and would’ve done some serious damage to my hippocampus if it weren’t for the helmet I wore. As I expected, this is a very dangerous and deadly surface to walk on when wet, and I recommend just being a normal person and using the designated pathway. Overall, I give the balcony 4 concussions out of 5.
Test Subject #2: The Quad
This surface doesn’t even require any rainwater, it’s infinitely slippery during every season. Like egg sandwiches in BIC, the muddy surfaces of the quad will never disappear, no matter what we do. Every time I pass by the mud, new slip marks cake the surface, indicating that more innocent people have been victimized by this pandemic. This surface doesn’t require any testing, instead, I’ll recount a time when I slipped on the quad. It was rather sunny and dry, minus the watery mud. I was on my way to the Horticulture garden when I slipped on a patch and fell to the ground. My jeans had light amounts of mud on them, but other than that I was fine. The grass serves as a pad for your head and prevents concussions, however, this surface is very messy, unlike all the other ones on this list. Overall, I give the quad 2 concussions out of 5.
Test Subject #3: The Stairs
Like my botched comics last year, this slippery surface isn’t at fault for its danger. The concrete steps are actually pretty reliable and firm when walking on them. However, like climate change, or typos in the paper, humans are entirely at fault for screwing this up. The primary culprit that makes the steps slippery is banana peels. Regularly appearing in BIC and School Lunches, the slippery peel of a banana has caused many to slip and fall, including our very own Mr. Hicks, who almost face-planted due to one. Kids feel the need to throw the leftover peels on the stairs when trash cans usually reside at the base of each staircase. Due to this, the stairs have become a hazardous place, and for that reason, I’ve opted out of testing this surface, due to the possibility of tumbling down the steps and actually ending up with a concussion or worse. With that said, I give each school staircase 5 concussions out of 5.
Test Subject #4: The Asphalt
Didn’t slip, I give this surface a rating of 0 concussions out of 5.
Hello and welcome to the Slippery Awards, I’m your host, Oscar Vasquez. Apologize for the wheelchair, this award season has literally and figuratively crippled my body. Anyways, the Best Slip Award goes to…..The Stairs!
Yay, yeah, woo-hoo (insert applause here)
The Stairs, with a concussion rating of 5 out of 5, receives the Best Slip Award for not only plummeting me to the ground, but also paralyzing me from the waist down, and making me a quadriplegic! Well done stairs, well done.
In all seriousness, there’s a plethora of slippery hazardous surfaces scattered around campus. Even when it isn’t raining, places like the Quad and the stairs are regularly slippery and dangerous. In order to eliminate these safety hazards, we all need to band together and reduce the amount of trash thrown around campus, especially banana peels. Water also plays a huge factor in making surfaces slippery, so be sure to keep your fluids in your HydroFlasks, or Takeya’s, or whatever off-brand bottle you might own. Together, we can all prevent risky surfaces from forming, and lower the quadriplegic rates drastically.