Issac Newton: exploring theories on mysterious street stains

Art retrieved from MOMA website, by Jackson Pollock

I am confident that the vast majority of people reading this article are familiar with the famous story of Isaac Newton and the revolutionary apple. For those of you who failed to pay attention during 8th-grade Introduction to Physics, I encourage you to research this story on your own—because this article is not actually about Isaac Newton, nor is it about physics.

This story is about how a simple observation—something that would normally go unnoticed (like Newton’s observation of the apple) can be the foundation for an extraordinary discovery. This realization has led me, Kree Keltner, staff writer and publicist for Eagle Scream, to question the seemingly unimportant, yet mysterious patterns found in the everyday lives of common people.

Have you ever found yourself walking down a sidewalk, hunched over, staring at your feet for no particular reason? What do you notice as you walk? You may see that your shoelace is untied. Or maybe there’s a loose thread dangling from the cuff of your jeans. You might even take note of the texture or color of the sidewalk beneath you.

Last Tuesday, I found myself in this very trance. I started to take heed of the bewildering stains and spots on the sidewalks near Eagle Rock High School. This led me to ponder: Where do these puzzling spots, dots, and stains come from? Why are they here?

Although there may not be a confirmed answer to my question, the residents of Eagle Rock High School have their own theories regarding these confuzzling spots…

Conspiracy #1: CAMILLA LAHMEYER AND ACE ELIAS

When shown the following photographs, Camilla envisions a tortured artist with sunken features and a gloomy demeanor. She imagines him walking down the street, carrying a mournful shade of black paint. As he trudged dramatically down the sidewalk, his paint spontaneously burst, leaking across the concrete in a confusing, splattered line.

At first, the artist was devastated until he realized what he had done… He had finally broken his bleak depression by provoking a powerful emotion: devastation. Though this response is plausible, the question remains controversial. Conspiracists, such as Ace Elias, argue for a more paranormal interpretation of the mysterious trail…

Upon examining the material, Ace concludes that its origins must be of alien descent. He claims that the strange markings are, in fact, the blood of an alien sent from Jupiter. Although alien sightings are exceptionally rare, Ace is led to believe that while on a journey to Earth (to mimic and learn about human habits) the alien, also known as a Jorvian, was tragically wounded by a tree branch. Due to its poor adaptation to Earth's atmosphere, the alien couldn’t possibly have survived the injury.

Conspiracy #2: AVERY KRUPITZER

For our second enigma, I asked Avery Krupitzer for her thoughts. Judging by the intricate patterns, Avery presumed that the marking was obviously from pirates. Hundreds of years ago, there lived a crew of viciously wealthy pirates who were hated across the continents and throughout the seven seas. After living their fair share of adventures, the pirates decided to settle along the American coastlines. If legend is true, this peculiar marking is hiding a great treasure beneath!

We may never find the answer to this phenomenon, but that doesn't stop us from hypothesizing. But unlike Isaac Newton's observation, (which led to an abundance of important discoveries and inventions), a splouch on a random sidewalk originating from; a sad artist, a black-blooded alien, or a gang of rich pirates is not important at all and the answer is likely indifferent to you. The next time you see a stain on the street, it's likely you’ll immediately dismiss it.

Which leads me to my next question: why did you read this article?