• Wyatt Zingus

Shallot Shorts: Edition #2

Man Screams for 48 Hours Straight for Local Performance Art Exhibit


Ethan Horn, a local man, screamed for 48 hours straight on the corner of 2nd and 5th street. When asked why, Horn had this to say, “I just went in for a yawn then thought why don't I just scream? One thing led to another, and I started screaming and didn't stop. Soon others were joining, and then news trucks were here.” The exhibition garnered the attention of thousands of people passing by, and world-renowned art critics such as Scott Langley, “It was amazing, I cried at the sheer beauty of it.” Many spectators joined in on the screaming, of what's now being called "Screamageddon". Sadly after 48 hours the LAFD systematically executed the horde of screamers. Horn is now being held on twelve accounts of crimes against humanity and war crimes including the usage of child soldiers.



Trump Trumps Mount Rushmore With 50,000 Foot Statue of Himself



“It will be a huge, magnificent statue for all to see.” proclaimed God Emperor Trump. Trump has planned to replace Mount Rushmore with a solid gold statue of himself to commemorate the 304th anniversary of his conquest of the solar system. To get the required amount of gold, the surrounding planets had to be strip-mined to the core. According to the treasury, the project will cost an estimated 400 trillion dollars. The administration reportedly was ordered to make Mexico pay, and when asked Trump replied, “I cut the budget for Mexico, I mean those guys don't do anything. They constantly waste my time and never finish completing my projects, so now I won’t finish their paychecks.” The project is expected to take 2 hours to complete and will have a grand unveiling, sponsored by Burger King “America’s Finest Arms Manufacturer.”